Those of us that don’t pay attention to history are doomed to repeat it.

1 year ago: I’m on exchange, and life is fun. We travel as if we could actually afford it. I have a waterproof camera, my trusty blue Panasonic Lumix TS5, because GoPros are way out of my budget. Next to cross off the list is Bali.

We’re all excited to try surfing. I have a blast and learn that it’s really hard. The water is cold and the waves are relentless. It’s tiring just to walk out to catch a breaker. Standing up, balancing, and then wiping out is one of the greatest thrills I’ve experienced.

I decide to bring my waterproof camera with me in my pocket. As I pull myself out of the water, it’s gone.

Denial

I check my pockets. Nothing. But they’re really big pockets - maybe they’re deeper down there? I look back out at the sea. Maybe. I duck my head underwater and feel around. Just maybe, I lost the camera right here, in this exact spot.

Anger

Wow… I’m an idiot. Why did I think this was a good idea? I slowly wade out to catch another wave.

Bargaining

This must be punishment for me being an ass on the mountain that night. What if I just search for the rest of the day? It’s not like the ocean is that big, or the water moves that much, or the camera is blue. Trying to stand on my board, I wipe out.

Depression

I’ve lost so many pictures! Our entire group had photos on it and I’ve let the team down. Deep in their hearts, they’ll never forgive me :'(

Acceptance

Surfing was really fun.

Fast forward to the present: I’m taking a matatu to meet some Kenyan friends. It’s sunny in dry season Nairobi so I bring my sweet, sweet NASA hat. My old faithful has been with me ever since I fulfilled my dream of visiting the Kennedy Space Center during my second coop term. I wore the copper, denim, and leather with pride. The matatu is hot so I leave it on my lap.

By the time I’m almost at my friend’s place, I notice that I don’t have it anymore.

Denial

I dropped it on the ground walking from the matatu right?

Anger

How did I not notice it dropping from my lap? Why did I not just put it in my bag? I stew as I walk back to where I got off, staring at the ground.

Bargaining

If I kept taking matatu for the rest of the day, could I find the right one? Maybe if I wait here diligently, the driver will come back to give me my hat. The lady running the nearby fried banana stand asks if I’m ok. I cover up the pain and say I’m fine, I’m just checking if I’m on the right street.

Depression

That hat was amazing, I’ll never get the same one again. It was a loyal friend and I betrayed it. I even made a hat-trade with Adam Savage.

Acceptance

Hey this giraffe hat is pretty sweet.

Over 4 years of university, I’ve learned to leave a lot of things behind. I brought only a carry-on for my 4 month stay in Kenya. I idolize the idea that all I need in life are my wits and skills.

When I lose a practical possession, I barely care. Though sometimes I struggle to cope, I try to treat losing sentimental items the same way.

I’ll lose my memories with or without trinkets to anchor them. I’m a forgetful person. Even as I write this post, I have to fabricate details. These hard earned stories will soon sink into the back of my mind, becoming an anonymous piece of me. And I will be distracted by a new story. Lose, forget, change — and repeat.